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The farther along in this journey I get, the more I look back and realize what a journey it is and how far I've come and how far I've still yet to go.

My life is a constant adventure and experiment. The thought of going home in a few months, to stay for a while, leaves me with a bit of sadness that my "crazy year" is drawing to a close. Have I done all I was meant to? Am I the person I should be? Have I changed enough? Have I learned enough? Have I loved enough? Have I lived enough?

Here's what's happened to me thus far:
I lived in my first intentional living community.
I learned of my passion for the city streets and the ways you meet God there.
I learned ways to live out my faith.
I learned how to love someone without having to like them.
I pray out loud with my whole heart, even though I know it's not perfect and all that it could be.
I have several new families whom I love very much.
I lived outside my comfort zone for essentially this entire year.
I lived in 3 very unique, very diverse, very special, and very different than my own, cultures this year.
I prayed to and praised God for blessings and burdens this year.
I laughed until I cried.
I wept until I couldn't breathe.
I learned to communicate in new ways.
I fell in love.
I learned how to build relationships with people.
I became a bit wiser.
I was mugged.
I traveled alone and spent time by myself and survived in a foreign country.
I lived out what I've been passionate about for so long.
I became lost.
I had my heart broken.
I learned what friendship is.
I learned a little Kiswahili.
I tried new things like nobody's business.
I survived the year as a vegetarian.
I lost old friendships and made new ones.
I learned and lived the true meaning of being 'burnt-out.'
I understand things better.
I understand the world better.
I have written and received letters from all over the world.
I learned that true happiness comes from feeling deep sadness and that vast emptiness comes from incredible joy-and that those two things are dependent upon one another.
I learned what it means to give of yourself unto others.
I learned the meaning of love.
I learned that I do want to get married and have children one day (in the very distant future).
I learned the importance of intentional living.
I learned which things are truly important to me and for me to have in my life.
I changed.
I no longer know who I am, exactly.
I am learning to live with the fear that brings.
I am ready to go home, but not ready for the adventure to end or to return to my old life.
I am afraid that nothing will have changed as I have.


I.... have been through so much.