Surprising

The title of this post is the word that I used in our one-word prayer on Thursday night before the foot-washing ceremony. Our group went around and all said a word in prayer that described our experiences for the week. It was amazing to hear all of the different responses. The word that came to mind for me almost instantly, was "surprising." Surprised is exactly what I have been countless times in the past month. (I can't believe that I have been gone for a month already!!!) First, I was surprised, shocked even, that before coming on this trip, I had no desire whatsoever to be in a city working as Urban Staff for YouthWorks. In my interview, I asked to be placed on a reservation working with kids. Oh how wrong I was. I now can't imagine being anywhere else than where I am, doing what I'm doing, with the people that I am with. It is more than obvious to me that I was meant to be here. Not only to I love being Urban staff, but I am getting good at it. I enjoy working with the marginalized and being able to see tons of different awesome ministries in action. Another surprising thing is how much I enjoy being able to interact with the youth. I was really worried at the beginning of the summer because of how much I hated high school and that I would not have anything in common with or be able to connect with the youth. But this first week was awesome! And although I am enjoying the day and a half of quietness that I have before the next group comes, I miss them. I loved seeing their eyes opened to the issues of San Francisco and seeing the change that came over them throughout the week. I loved seeing God working in them and through them. It brought back so many memories and feelings of when I was a youth on a YouthWorks trip a few years back. It is cool to be able to know exactly what they are feeling and going through. This is not to say that I wasn't challenged by one or two of them, but I took that as more of a challenge to love on them despite that. They were great and I am so glad that I will be getting the chance to walk on this part of their journey with them. I'm also so surprised at how much I have a heart for urban ministry. I haven't been to any of the touristy areas except for the Golden Gate bridge and the beach. I've spent the majority of my time in the poorest district of San Francisco. It's called the Tenderloin. The poverty is immense and intense. The cost of living in San Fran is insanely high. A 2 bedroom apartment is over $1,800 a month. A person working at minimum wage would have to work about 190 hours a week in order to afford an apartment. It is so hard to support yourself here, much less have sustainable hope for change. I have been able to see the reality of the poverty here and it has really affected me. There are five main groups of people in the Tenderloin: mentally ill, addictively ill (drugs and alcohol), veterans, women fleeing abuse, and the working poor. Other groups are immigrants, people with HIV/AIDs, the elderly, and more. Even though i have only been here for a few weeks, I have already seen some pretty intense things. I have gotten to become more comfortable walking the streets in the Tenderloin. I hate that I feel so unsafe walking downtown by myself, because most of the people I pass on the street are harmless and wonderful. But I still have that fear when I'm alone that someone tripping out on something will not take no for an answer. But I am getting to a point where I know the district and the streets well enough to avoid certain corners or to tell when something is going down or when someone is strung out. It's still pretty intense and I could not imagine being able to survive on the streets and I feel so much for the people who have no other option and so lucky that I do. That's not to say that I haven't met some incredible people down there. I have had the chance to talk with and serve and eat with some amazing people with incredible stories and I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. I am blessed to be able to be a part of this community for the next couple of months. It is so diverse and beautiful. I was also surprised at how much I needed this summer to heal and to forgive. I came off of this year completely burnt out and broken. The RA job wrecked me and hurt me in so many ways. I came here not knowing what to expect from working on another team and not being able to trust my staff. I was so hurt from that job and I was terrified that this experience would be a repeat of that. But I have been so wrong. My staff, even though I have only known them for about a month, is like my family. They support me and encourage me and always have my back no matter what they have going on. They are committed to each other and they love each other, faults included. They are inspirations to me in their faith, their actions, their service, and their words. I can't tell you how thankful I am to have them and to learn from them this summer. They are so fantastic. I need this summer to forgive people as well and not only the RA people, but others as well. I have such trouble letting go and being able to open myself up again after I have been hurt. I need to not forget, but accept people's faults and be willing to trust again. It is a process where I know not a starting point, but that I am committed to. The last major thing that I have been surprised by is how much God has been present in this experience. He has sent me here and I went even though I have been terrified at moments about my ability to be able to do the job and survive the summer and be the best example of love and servant-hood to these youth that I can be. And He has never left or deserted me. I have felt his continuous presence the whole time no matter how much I have wanted to give up. As my staff likes to say, I'm getting "messed up" in the best way possible and I am loving every second of it. I am truly learning the meaning of "faith"-to be able to take the next step when you can't see where you are going to land. But you take it because you trust that you are being led in the right direction, and down the right path. I believe. And I trust. That's all for now, I'm headed to Haight St. (Hippie Hill!) and to the beach for the afternoon! Last thing, here's my address: Martha Kaempffer YouthWorks! 3355 19th Ave. San Francisco, CA 94132 I love letters, and my staff and I all love homemade cookies!!! :) Here's a link to pictures so far... http://www.facebook.com/posted.php?id=500087188&share_id=110799701196&ref=nf#/album.php?aid=2720939&id=13961283 Enjoy!